2nGjyaM0o1rqhFuD65616DjpVfI Juicebox Confession

Friday, April 18, 2014

A Fly On HER Wall

 Every time I sign up for a Fly On The Wall challenge I think to myself, "This time I am going to take
notes throughout the whole month. I will write down all the funny stuff I don't write about and it will be great!!"

This challenge is great. A group of amazing bloggers all write posts made up of snippets of our lives. The end result reads as if you were a fly on our walls. It gives us a chance to share those moments that are worth writing about but may not be long enough to stand on their own. As I said, I go into it excited and motivated to remember every detail.

Then, I find myself sitting here, a day before this post is to go live and I am note-less. Every. Single. Time.

Then I remembered how successful my last writing challenge was when I asked my 3.5 year old daughter to define the words I was supposed to use. I turned to her and asked her what I should write about.

"Me!"

I should have seen that one coming. Hope you all enjoy being a Fly On The Wall of a pretty amazing little girl!!

__________

"Mommy, can we go outside now and play with my new swing?" She was giddy with excitement. GIDDY.

"Yes, as soon as we finish lunch." I was famished and needed at least 2 minutes to eat.

She quickly took a bite and asked through peanut butter coated teeth, "Can we go out now?"

She had been asking since my husband hung the thing at 9am. We had errands to run and a play date to attend. At no point during our morning had she gone more than 20 minutes without asking about her new swing. My left eye was starting to twitch and I knew that I was developing some sort of aversion to the words "new swing."

"We can go outside right after you eat your lunch. Preferably more than one bite," I answered as calmly as possible. I totally understood her excitement and remember how much I used to love running outside to play on my swing set.

My mind wandered back 30 or so years earlier. This same house, the same back yard. My grandparents lived here along with my most favorite and best friend, George. George was a molded plastic horse that swung from my metal framed swing set. I spent hours swinging on him, feeding him, and generally taking the very best care of him. I loved that horse and couldn't imagine how many days I spent begging to go out and play.

I totally understood my daughters excitement.

It was finally time to go outside. She made a beeline for the trapeze style swing while I tied the dogs out. When I turned to watch her, see her little face light up with pure swinging bliss, she was gone. The T-bar was swinging lazily and alone. My excited daughter had swung on it once and abandoned it for her sandbox. The sandbox she had played in all last year.

"Aren't you going to swing on your new swing?"

"I did, mommy. Now I done and playing in my sandbox. Thanks for bringing me out here!"

Four hours of asking to play on her swing for four seconds of swinging. Seemed exactly right.

__________

Earlier this week the temperatures here in NH reached into the mid 70s. It felt luxurious to have ample sunshine and warmth. The kiddo and I took full advantage and headed to a local farm to play on their playground.

Running in front of the play area is a brook, just begging to be waded in. Eventually all the kids migrated to the water.

My daughter only went in up to her ankles but decided to squat down a few times and quickly ended up with a soaking wet backside. The water was cold and we only had one dry pair of pants. I told her I would go get them for her but she needed to stay out of the water. She agreed and I left her in the care of our friends we were with.

Sometime between me walking away and returning, my little girl took advantage of our friends not hearing me ask her to stay out of the water and got back in. She tried to climb a rock and fell. By the time I got back she was screaming and my friends were sprinting to her.

I dropped everything I held and ran to her. She had fallen in up to her neck. Shaking and upset I brought her back to our car and striped her down to nothing. I took full advantage of the greenhouse effect of my car and dried her off in the sweltering heat, trying to warm her up.

While doing so I made sure she was ok. I checked her head to toe. One small bruise. I also took the opportunity to talk to her about listening to me. Explaining that I had asked her to stay out of the water while I was gone for safety reasons, not to be mean.

She apologized for falling. She apologized for scaring me. She apologized for not listening. I apologized for not being there. We both felt awful and so grateful that in the end, we only had apologies and a small bruise.

She learned a valuable lesson and I was reminded, once again, to be grateful for every moment.

__________

For the first time in her memory, our electricity went out and our daughter had questions. Lots of them.

We tried our best to explain everything to her and she seemed pretty content with our answers. Luckily, it all happened 30 minutes before she headed to bed. We figured by morning the power would have been restored and she would have moved on.

We were half right.

She got up to electricity and didn't mention it. We went about our morning routines and said our good-byes to my hubby.

I settled onto the couch to do some work on my computer and she stood next to me, staring at the on but muted television. I was a little curious as to what she was doing but decided to wait it out.

After a few moments she dreamily commented, "I hope the electricity comes back on soon...."

Blinking, I replied that it was on. Had been since right after she went to sleep the night before. Plus, if it were not on, the television wouldn't be working.

"Oh. Right. I am so happy. I missed the electricity." She turned around and smiled at me. Right before she skipped off she pointed to right behind my head at the fabric that covers our couch. "See that? Right there? There is a kid standing with one eye and one leg. Bye mommy!!"

I glanced at the markings on the fabric and could maybe, if I squinted one eye and closed the other, see what she saw. I chuckled and opened my laptop.

I would do anything to live a day in the head of a 3.5 year old.

__________


Please do check out the other participants in this month's Fly On The Wall challenge. And a huge thank you to Karen at Baking In A Tornado for being the host/organizer/brains behind this (and many other) great challenges.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius
http://www.impoverishedvegan.com                                Impoverished Vegan
http://www.gomamao.com                                         Go Mama O

Friday, April 11, 2014

Use HER Words


Welcome one and all to another Use Your Words writing challenge presented by the always amazing Baking In A Tornado.This month 12 bloggers swapped a set of words and challenged each other to write a post
using each and every one of their words.

My words were thoughtfully gifted to me by Confessions Of A Part-Time Working Mom. (Make sure you go check out her contribution as well.)

I love these writing challenges. They make me stretch my grey matter beyond it's comfort zone. Every now and then, though, one will trip me up. Sometimes it is the topic, sometimes the words, sometimes it has nothing to do with the challenge and everything to do with a whole lot going on, consuming my brain, making it hard to write.

Guess which one it was this time?

I couldn't back out of this, that wouldn't be fair to the other11 very talented writers. So, I called in the troops. In this case, the troops is my 3.5 year old daughter. I decided to ask her what these words meant, write down her answers and hopefully end up with something adorable.

I think it worked out just perfectly. But, admittedly, I am extremely biased.

Anyway, here are my kiddo's definitions of my Use Your Words challenge words.

Sugar pie is for eating!!

Rain is what you go around, from the river when it drains. It goes around and makes something else. Rain. Drain rain.

I don't know. What does Curb mean?

YOU'RE MAKING A LINE!!! It's when you trace a line all the way, like a sidewalk as you go, like this (pointing at my desk) is a line. Rhymes with whine. You know, "whaaa whaa whaaa!!" Like that, that is whining. Rhymes with line.

Music is when a radio plays music. *Sings at top of lungs*

A Black Cloud is when it rains. You know, it's, well, black.


Is there no more writings stuff? Mommy? Will you read them to me?

She may be my only kid but I am pretty sure, she is a genius. Seriously. 

Thanks for reading and sticking by me. Fingers crossed for black clouds that will bring the rain and curb this writing drought. The sound of the keyboard clicking, letting out my thoughts in s a semi-coherent manner once again will be music to my ears. When that happens, there will be sugar pie for everyone!!! 

See what I just did there? Yup, I used my words, twice. Did I go to far? Cross a line?

You are welcome.



Please do check out my fellow wordsmiths:

Baking In A Tornado                    
Follow Me Home...              
Stacy Sews And Schools       
Outmanned              
Someone Else's Genius                
Confessions Of A Part-Time Working Mom               
The Momisodes                   
Impoverished Vegan               
Spatulas On Parade              
Battered Hope                     

         

Friday, April 4, 2014

My Life In Music


If a movie were going to be made about your life, what are 7 songs that would be on the soundtrack to that movie and why would you choose those songs?


Music has always played an enormously important role in my life. There have been songs that have gotten me through some dark times and others that have helped me celebrate the good.

Choosing only seven songs to represent my life in a soundtrack is close to impossible. Maybe 70, 700 would be better. Every memory I have has a musical counterpart. Every moment a note worthy tune. So, here are seven of those memory inducing pieces. Sometimes it is the lyrics, sometimes the melody. Whatever it is, these songs never fail to induce memories.

1.     I have to start with the song my husband and I first danced to as husband and wife. Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine as sung by a good friend of ours. You can read the entire story HERE.

2.     Over The Rainbow by Israel "Iz" Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole always brings me back to my pregnancy with our daughter. She was conceived after a heart breaking loss and a whole lot of time. A successful birth after a loss is referred to as a “rainbow baby.” She is ours and this song summed it all up perfectly for us.

3.     Brave by Sara Bareilles. This song speaks to me loudly and clearly. I stopped writing for a while. When I slowly started to open myself up to it again this song became popular. I found comfort in those words.

4.     Black by Pearl Jam. The memories this song brings back from my earlier years are intense. However, sometimes it is nice to throw open the flood gates and drown in the nostalgia.

5.     Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.  This would play during the montage that would be the summer my husband and I fell in love.

6.     Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson would play while I went to my first concert (Miss Gibson, of course) and during the subsequent coming-of-age series that would follow.

7.     Anything by the Eagles or Air Supply or Abba would play in the background during my childhood. This was music I remember my mother playing and singing along to in the car.


There are so many more songs I could list. These seven seem like a drop in the musical ocean of my soundtrack.

What song(s) speak to you? Do you have a theme song?




Thank you for reading my contribution to Baking In A Tornado’s Secret Subject Swap. 14 bloggers secretly swapped subjects/writing prompts to interpret into their own style. My prompt was submitted by Climaxed. Please head over and check out their post and all the other brave bloggers!!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Littlest Thing


It is truly amazing how big an impact something so tiny can have.  The worry, the anxiety, the
unknown.

I have let my big worry about this tiny thing rule my world. Every step is filled with trepidation. Every turn a “what-if.”

But today, today I am going to enjoy it for what it is. There is nothing I can do to change the outcome. Today, all I can do is enjoy the moment.

Have the best day ever.

If it all ends tomorrow, so be it. What I do today is all that matters. I can’t live for the maybes of tomorrow.

So today I will allow myself to smile. Laughter will erupt spontaneously. I will fall into the arms of faith and blindly allow my own happiness.

The other option is to drive myself insane, to lose grip with reality and live in a world of perceived fears and what-ifs. I could surround myself in the darkness of the unknown and succumb to the anxiety of it all. I could allow it to become all encompassing and eventually consume me.

I won’t do that. I can’t do that.

I have come far too far. I have worked too hard. So, happiness it is. Happiness it will be.

In reality, this tiny thing will end with a very happy ending. It will turn into something big and beautiful. It has the potential to change my life for the very best and bring me more happiness than I could have ever imagined. I chose to focus on that.

And if in the end it all goes wrong, it ends in sadness, at least the journey was happy. At least the path to the outcome I feared was lined with smiles and laughter.

It is truly amazing how big an impact something so tiny can have. The worry, the anxiety, the unknown, I am letting go of. I am shifting my focus onto the happy and that is where I will stay.


Everything deserves happy.  Even the tiniest, unknown things. 

For more Sunday Confessions head over to More Than Cheese and Beer

Sunday, March 23, 2014

A Loss For Words

 A person’s a person, no matter how small.
- Dr Seuss

"Well, maybe that'll teach you for posting "belly" pictures all over Facebook!"

Her words knocked the wind out of me. I felt like I had been kicked, right after being hit by a Mac truck.

I had just told her that I had lost the baby. That I was no longer pregnant. It took every ounce of energy I had to say the words. The words that were met with words that pierced.

I excused myself and headed home. Maybe she was right, I should have known. This was my fourth pregnancy and my third loss. It was all I knew.

But we were so excited, so hopeful. My belly had started to round slightly as the weeks progressed seemingly fine. I always showed early, this one was no different.

We "announced" the pregnancy with a hilarious photo of me and our then 18 month old daughter. It was supposed to be a sweet photo of her sitting above my tiny bump. Instead she arched her back, opened her mouth and let out a hell-hound howl just as my husband hit the shutter. The resulting photo was an upside down, angry baby and a laughing pregnant momma. It was perfect.

Until it wasn't.

We went in for a routine ultrasound. We would finally be able to see our baby. As the OB scanned his face contorted. The baby had stopped growing a few weeks earlier. It's little heart was barely beating enough to make a flicker. Our baby was fading and there was nothing anyone could do.

We mourned. I took the photo down and made a brief statement on my personal page. We started the process of un-telling our friends and family. All while scheduling me for surgery, my body was not letting the baby go. My heart wouldn't either.

The support and love we received kept us going. It lifted us when we were down. Sharing our good news had made going through the impossible, a fraction easier. When it all went wrong, we had people to turn to.

Except her. I thought she was my friend. I thought she would understand. I thought wrong. Her words cut into me so deeply that now, two years later, I still hear them when I see her.

Maybe, just maybe, she didn't mean them to hurt me. Maybe she didn't know what to say. Maybe, in her own way, she was trying to find levity and I wasn't ready to laugh. Regardless, it hurt.

I had another pregnancy that resulted in another loss after that. We didn't tell a soul except my doctor. I couldn't see another set of pitying eyes look at me and not now what to say, or worse yet, say the very very wrong thing. We grieved alone. Away from judgement and opinion.

Words have such a great impact. They can soothe and they can hurt. They can make what should have been a supportive moment between friends into something hurtful and awkward.

In the words of my mom, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I have learned that this simple statement holds more knowledge than I ever gave it credit for. Words have the power to heal and they have the power to stay with someone for years, reminding them of a hurt so deep, it may never fully heal.

Choose your words carefully, you never know what they will do once released.

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
- A.A. Milne

For more Sunday Confessions head over to More Than Cheese and Beer



Friday, March 21, 2014

Say What?


**Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.**


As you would imagine, life with a three year old is never dull. Ever. Even moments that really should not be note worthy turn out to be. 
Most recently the kiddo was rolling around on the floor, quietly moaning. I asked her what was wrong. 

"I wish I could watch a show."

"I told you that we could watch a movie later," I replied, repeating myself for the fifth, maybe sixth time.

More rolling and moaning happened. 

"MOOOOOOOMMY!! I am getting SO boring!!!!"

I had to hold my breath to stifle my giggles. When she uses the wrong word we usually will repeat her phrase back to her, only replacing the wrong word with the correct one and phrase it as a question. That way she hears it said correctly but we don't feel like we are constantly telling her how to say things. So, normally I would have said, "You are getting bored?" Or, "I am sorry that you are getting so bored."

"Are you hearing me, MOMMY?!?! I SAID, I am getting really really boring!!!"

Nope, not going to correct her this time. This one is way too cute.

***

Learning language is tough. There are slight nuances and phrases that make zero sense and you just have to accept them. Being three and having a mom that speaks primarily in cliches and metaphors has GOT to be tough.

This time though, was not my fault. Apparently little ears mishear things VERY easily.

We were getting ready to head out for the day. It was cold and snowy and socks and boots were an absolute must have. I was trying to do 87 1/2 things all at once, as usual. The dogs needed water and the kiddo, help with her footwear. 

"Go sit by the door and I will come help you with your boots in a minute."

I got a slightly funny look that quickly turned into a smile and a bright, "Ok Mommy!!"

I grabbed the water dish and filled that up. I made sure the doors to all the bedrooms and bath were closed. Phone, bag, scarf, hat..... What was that? I stopped and listened. I could hear a tiny voice coming from the kitchen.

"I don't know why but here I am! Sitting here and singing!! My mommy said to so I am!!! Singing by the DOOR!!!"

My little girl was singing a song of her own creation. It was adorable. The words confused me a little though. I asked her to sit and wait by the door nearly every day. Why would she suddenly not understand my request? I grabbed the rest of my things and walked into the kitchen. 

My little singer was sitting on a chair, swinging her stockinged feet, singing happily. She stopped when she saw me and asked, "Can I stop singing now? Please?"

"Of course you can!"

"Phew!!" She smiled at me, "I didn't want to make you upset."

Now, I was confused. I asked her why she thought I would be upset if she stopped singing.

"Because you said to go and SING by the door. Remember?"

I could barely get her boots on I was laughing so hard. "You misheard me, peanut, I am sorry. I said to SIT by the door!! I will try my best to better enunciate from now on."

"Did you like my song?"

"I loved it. Thanks, kiddo. You are the best."

***

"MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!!!" 

I could hear her scurrying to her feet from my bed, obviously panicked. I rushed in, still wearing my towel from my shower.

"I am not leaving, I'm not even dressed!"

A look of relief washed over her face. "Oh good! I heard a rumble and thought you had started the car."

"That was the garbage truck, sweetie. Not mommy's car. Plus, I would never ever leave without you!" My real question was how did she confuse the garbage truck with my tiny Toyota?

"Thank you mommy. I am glad." She crawled back onto my bed. As she snuggled in she glanced at my bedside table where I keep my phone docked. "Oh!! I know you were not leaving! See? Your phone is still here."

Apparently leaving without her is in the realm of possibility but leaving without my phone, not a chance. Three year old logic is hilarious.

***


 Don't forget to check out the other challenge participants!
                         Baking In A Tornado

                                  The Rowdy Baker

                                JustA Little Nutty

                                         The Momisodes

                          Spatulas on Parade

                              
    TheSadder But Wiser Girl

                          Follow me home . . .

                Stacy Sews and Schools

                                   DinosaurSuperhero Mommy

                          Someone Else’s Genius

                             Menopausal Mother

                                     Pink HeartString

                                             Spinster Snacks

Thursday, March 20, 2014

International Happiness Day

Today is International Happiness Day. WHAT A GREAT DAY!! Who doesn't want to be happy?

Right?

In honor of this I am turning my Thankful Thursday list into things that make me happy.

One in the same, really.

Here we go, in no particular order.

*Cadbury Creme eggs. Not just he deliciousness but also the fact they only come out at Easter. Easter is in Spring. Spring means Winter is over. I love sunshine.

*Flowers. Currently there are tulips residing in my house. They are little rays of sunshine and happiness.  Try to be grumpy next to a bright red tulip. I dare you.

*Fresh fruit. If I sit in the ray of sunshine that streams into my living room and munch on a juicy kiwi or apple, I can pretend that it is July. THAT makes me happy.

*Speaking of sunshine. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! So much happy that the sun is brighter and warmer these days.

*SPRING!!! Today is also the Vernal Equinox, the first official day of Spring. It snowed last night but it was that late Winter/ early Spring kind of snow that is super wet and heavy and melts as it falls. My eaves are dripping and I saw my lawn all last week. I am happy.

*Canada Geese. I live in New England and the weather is all sorts of unpredictable. The calander and weathermen are not accurate ways of telling when the seasons turn. The geese though, they never fail me. They head South  for the winter and return North for Spring. I can hear them passing over my house as I type this. That honking is the soundtrack to the change in the seasons. Never doubt the geese.

*My little family. My daughter and my husband. They are AWESOME. Seriously. I hope everyone who reads these words experiences a love like this. You deserve it.

*THIS:


There you have it. A list of gratitude and happiness for this International Day of Happiness - Vernal Equinox - SPRING!!!!

Have a post bursting with happiness and/or gratitude? Link up here!!!